Frequently Asked Questions
Please thoroughly read through this section so you have a good idea of what to expect throughout the process.
I'm just starting the process and want to get the right DNA test. Which one should i get?
How long does the process take?
Am I guaranteed to find my biological parent?
What ways do you try to make contact with the family once a birth parent has been established
If I choose to reach out to the family myself, will you help me with what to say?
What if my parent doesn't want contact with me?
How do you know you have found the right birth parent if they never did a DNA test?
Can I post about finding my parent on social media?
I noticed that you sometimes post stories about your clients on your social media. Will I be expected to share my story as well?
Do you take cases outside of the U.S.?
Am I expected to pay for services up front?
What forms of payment do you accept?
The following DNA tests are good choices. I recommend them based on database size, largest to smallest:
Timing depends on a variety of factors:
- The length of time it takes to process the DNA test. This differs with each company
- Number and closeness of DNA matches
- Available records (different countries have different public record availability)
- Country of origin
- Co-operation of all involved
There is never a guarantee of finding a parent. That is the same no matter who is looking on your behalf. So many factors are at play including:
- Closeness of matches
- Availability of public records
- Endogamy (marrying within small communities, leading to muddy DNA)
- Brick Walls such as slavery, undocumented people, unreported deaths...
- Contact with family once the DNA has been narrowed down to the grandparent level (sometimes there are multiple sons and without the family's cooperation, it's hard to determine which one is the father)
- The father might be determined, but not want contact. Or a family member might stand in the way of making contact with the biological parent.
Initial contact will be made through any number of ways including:
- Social Media
- Through DNA site
- By mail
- By phone (this is my last resort. Out of respect to the family member, I prefer to give them all the information and allow them to process it instead of cold calling them and putting them on the spot)
Yes! I will absolutely help you with what to say. Over the years, I have learned the most effective ways to reach out family members.
Unfortunately, there is always the possibility that your newly found biological parent won't want contact. This can be very disappointing. I remind you that you have dreamed of this day for possibly your whole life. Your parent may only be hearing about this for the first time and it can be incredibly overwhelming. This a marathon, not a race. It may take days, weeks or months before your parent is ready to make contact. Sometimes it's because they are afraid of what their current spouse will think, how their children will react, or they don't want to believe it no matter how much evidence there is. You won't know until you try. I've had plenty of both positive and negative reactions from birth parents. I've also had parents contact me sometime later and say they are ready to talk and the parent and child go on to have a wonderful relationship. Stay positive and always treat them with respect, patience and love. Their hearts can soften over time.
This is a really good question and one that I get often from both my clients and birth parents. A parent is found by analyzing all the DNA cousin matches you have listed as being closely or distantly related to you. You can only be matched with others who have also tested at the same company. What a Genetic Genealogist is looking for with these matches are common ancestors (common lines that lead to the union of a couple, whether married or through a short term relationship). Once a set of common ancestors has been established, we then work our way down to the grandparent level. From there we determine their children and who the probable parent is. Ultimately, we need DNA confirmation that we have the right person. If the parent is no-longer alive, a child of the parent can also be tested and compared to your DNA.
When you are super excited about finally learning who your biological parent is, you just want to shout it from the rooftop and tell everyone. I am all about sharing your good news, but only if it's been approved by your newly found biological parent.
No! You will never be expected to share your story on my social media. The stories that I have posted have been fully approved by the families and the client before posting. I find that most of my clients really want me to share their story. And some of the stories have even gone viral and been picked up by news outlets. You will not see your story on any of my social media with your permission.
Yes. Only if the case has direct ties to the U.S.
There is a deposit that is required to secure my services and a spot on my schedule. The remaining balance will be required before turning over the final results.
I accept PayPal, Venmo and Zelle.
